Bill bluffer
You breathe a sigh of relief as your soup slurping, egotistical dinner date requests the bill but suddenly realise you might actually have to PAY for your hellish evening. As the waiter approaches mention that your job is being threatened by redundancy. Even if he's a skin flint he'll likely fork out thanks to your well-timed sob story.
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Facebook front
The rules state: 'No social networking during office hours' and oops, your boss was standing behind you as you slyly poked your BF at 10am. Explain that you were being proactive, investigating new mass marketing concepts and, as Facebook has a captive audience of 120 million members, it seemed a good place to start.
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Sleaze shirker
The grubby office lothario ogles your chest from across the photocopier and slobberingly asks you out for a drink after work. Politely decline telling him you have to pick up your boyfriend from his Karate class / bare-knuckle boxing fight / dark arts in black magic seminar, and watch his tongue reel itself back in.
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Mother-in-law mislead
You know his mother hates you and joy of all joys you're all meeting for dinner tonight. But oh what a shame! You forgot that tonight you start volunteering at the homeless children's shelter. Even Evil Edna can't disapprove of such saintly behaviour. Just make sure you make-up for your fib with some actual charity work!
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Friendly faux
You're looking forward to a quiet night in front of the telly. Then, high-maintenance-friend rings and no surprise, there's drama. Normally you'd listen to her woes but tonight tell her you're waiting on an important call from National Grid about a potential gas leak on your street so you need to keep the line free. Ahhh, bliss.
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Slide show
It's your second date and as you impressed him with your fluency in Klingon on the first (you were actually only yawning), he has booked tickets a screening of back-to-back Star Trek movies. Say you sat on your glasses, are blind as a bat without them and to take someone else so he doesn't miss out. How very selfless!
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Slipper slip
Your alarm didn't go off and you arrive late for work. Then Colin from accounts points out that you're still wearing you fluffy bunny shaped slippers. Point out in no uncertain terms that it is 'wear your slippers to work day' and it is in fact he who is the uncharitable loser.
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Dye dodge
The label very clearly stated 'warm chestnut' but your hair seems to have been dyed puce. When your friends begin to point and laugh tell them they should really check out this month's Vogue and pay more attention to fashion before turning your nose up and walking away whilst muttering "peasants" in a French accent.
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Schedule sidestep
Your boss slots a 6pm Friday meeting into your calendar but you had plans to escape at 4.30pm. Divert your phone to your boss, step out of the office, text your best friend asking them to call screaming that they've gone into labour and need you to take them to the hospital, like, NOW! Happy half-day!
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Dodging declines
Most of us have had our debit card declined in a shop at one time or another but it doesn't stop it being embarrassing. Make a joke of your humiliation. Sigh and say how much you miss the off-shore bank accounts and how life simply isn't the same since mamahhh married Lord Farquhar and drank all the money away.
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