Poo Price (Gourmet Pixel, £0.59). An app which calculates exactly how much of your employer's money you're spending on the john.
iGirl (Resistor Productions LLC, £0.59). A virtual girlfriend for the hopelessly lacking in pulling power. Tickle her, dress her up, make her dance. What would your mother say?
Drinking Games (FAR Apps, £1.19). Over 70 ways to amuse/humiliate yourself whilst utterly wasted. We don't need the help, usually.
iSperm (Mobigem, £0.59). Shake and tilt your iPhone to usher a sperm cell towards the egg. Sort of makes you look like you're masturbating, for added impact.
Fart Lighter - Pull My Finger, Pro Edition (Air-O-Matic, £0.59). Because the best way to show off your trendy new iPhone is make farting noises with it. See also: the common whoopee cushion.
Hunk du Jour (Ginger Fever, free). One buff male model a day, seven days a week. Too classy for this list? We'll leave that to our lady readers to decide.
Beer Goggles (Hive Mind, £0.59). Worried that foxy PA you're buying drinks for could be a creation of your alcohol-addled brain? Test your judgement with this life-saving app.
Blond Jokes (Mark Greenfield, £0.59). Several hundred wisecracks concerning the saffron-haired sisterhood. Deploy with caution.
Smack My Bunny (Gregory Hodges, £0.59). Not to be confused with smacking the monkey. Relieve stress by beating up a small fluffy animal. Then buy this app.
Xray Crack Up (Talus Media LLC, free). Because the first thing you want to hear at the start of the day is the sound of bones crunching. Sickly entertainment for damaged individuals.