"If you've not got an idea then get a celebrity". So the saying in ad-land goes. But Victoria Beckham's new campaign for her posh frocks is an example of a celebrity not having any idea at all. Her new commercial features shots of fruity ladies swinging in porches of London town houses, and we can barely see the frocks that she so lovingly designed.
Big Pictures
These days, John Lydon advertises butter on the behalf of a multi-million pound firm that's listed on the London Stock Exchange. Which isn't very punk rock, is it? We can't help but wonder which clapped-out rocker we'll see in an ad break next. Bill Wyman talking about his whites down Cleaner Close? Debbie Harry in a Kia Pride? Rat Scabies giving us a thumbs-up over a Zinger Tower burger?
PA Photos
Who on earth was Sharon Osbourne buying children's' clothes and cut-price DVDs for, back when she was hawking Asda? Can anybody really see the self-styled Mrs O peeling off the Whoops! stickers on packs of putrefied meat and serving them up with Smartprice beans? How nice to be patronised by a multi-millionaire on how to shop on a budget.
PA Photos
"I'm a DARNCER! I LOVE to DARNCE!" If those seven words don't make you claw the air and want to mace Nicole Kidman with a bottle of knock-off Chanel then you either don't own a television or are Nicole Kidman herself. The Moulin Rouge luvvie was apparently paid over a million smackers to appear in this excruciating feature-length romp, which only served to prove that she's a pretty appalling actress.
PA Photos
Is that really Iggy Pop telling us to buy car insurance? We must admit that his mahogany hue and sinewy frame originally made us think that we were watching the new promo for Peperami. Now any celeb can endorse anything in the world and it won't be weirder than this. But one thing particularly bothers us. Why does he need car insurance when he goes on and on about being The Passenger?
PA Photos
We've all got neighbours like Alice Cooper and Ronnie Corbett. Oh wait, no, we haven't. But that didn't stop the two of them settling into suburban life together for a Sky advert some years ago. The two of them wondered which episode of The Simpsons to watch while eating their teas on their knees. And the weirdest thing was that the skit really, really worked. Baffling, maybe, but brilliant.
PA Photos
Ooh, that Myleene Klass gets everywhere. When she's not hammering out a plinky-plonk rendition of a Daft Punk track in a bid to shift shampoo, she's tinkling the ivories for Marks and Spencer. On a train. And she isn't allowed to join the likes of Twiggy and Erin O'Connor as they frolic outdoors because she's pregnant. Which can't possibly be shown in a clothes advert, can it?
PA Photos
Sir Alan Sugar is a rich man. As he never stops bloody telling us. But come on, Al, you're not fooling us by going on about how good the government's apprenticeships scheme is. If it was that great you wouldn't need to spend so long looking for a suitable apprentice on the telly instead!
PA Photos
It was inevitable that interior designer Linda Barker would end up hawking DFS "surfers", but what the fire-spitting flip was she doing at Currys, making snip-snip gestures at discount toasters? See those two fingers Linda? Flip them round, turn them 90 degrees clockwise and you'll get the exact gesture that everybody was making at the telly. A nation still hasn't forgiven her.
PA Photos
Here's a great argument against piracy. If people weren't so busy downloading movies from illegal torrent sites for free, then perhaps Christian Slater wouldn't keep interrupting Coronation Street with his diabolical ads for PC World. He's got to pay the bills somehow, you know. Not that we can think of many people who'd part with money to see the latest Christian Slater "opus", mind you.
PA Photos