Ryan Seacrest to Dev Patel at the Oscars:
"We're also broadcast in India. Any message for your family?"
The Londoner didn't know where to look.
Sharon Osbourne: "It's worth paying more for a facelift if you don't want to look like an alien."
So why didn't she?
Will Young: "In effect, I'm saying that Kerry Katona is our modern-day teacher of moral virtues."
We think somebody's been skipping class.
Roseanne Barr: "Chris Brown's lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him."
For the first time, we're upset that ITV canned Celebrity Wrestling.
Kelly Osbourne: "I theme-dress depending on where I'm going. If I was going to dinner at a Chinese restaurant, I would wear a kimono."
And when she goes out for sushi she wears a Mao suit.
Simon Cowell: "I have decided to freeze myself when I die. You know, cryonics. You pay a lot of money and you get stuck in a deep freeze once you've been declared dead."
Take Louis with you please!
Beyonce Knowles: "Honestly, I'm very frugal. I haven't bought a car since I was 16 or any diamonds since I was 17."
Yeah, we got bored with buying cars and diamonds at that age too.
Beyonce Knowles: "I have a lot of property."
How this counts as frugal we will never know.
Kanye West: "I believe I am the greatest entertainer of this generation."
Some people will believe anything.
Paul Daniels: "One of the secrets to our marriage is that we make each other laugh every day. That and my sexual ability. Debbie says we'll stay married until I get it right."
Mr Daniels, we think you've waved your wand enough.