Church bells toll in the distance. Grown men cry in the street. Alas, the dream is over for Katie Price and Peter Andre – and their surprise separation has cast a DD-sized shadow over the break-ups of these other newly-single celebs...
Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson had a high-profile split in April amid allegations that Sam had been unfaithful to her Hollywood ham. Other stories suggest that Sam dumped Li-Lo via text after a fight about a party. Talk about a mean girl.
Also in April, Robyn Moore filed for divorce from her husband Mel Gibson citing irreconcilable differences. What could these have been? Did he call her "Sugar Tits" one too many times? Or was it his apparent penchant for frolicking with bikini-clad busty lovelies while his wife was running around after their many sprogs? Time will tell...
It's also just been announced that X Factor tea girl Sinitta is right back where she started from after giving her husband Andy Willner the shove. "Sometimes somebody does something and it disturbs you so much there's no option but to end it", the So Macho chanteuse muttered intriguingly. Time for a new toy boy!
For the past two and a half years we've been able to set our watches by Sean Penn and Robin Wright's announcements of divorce and reconciliation. Their most recent separation was in April, but the latest word is that they've yet again cancelled their plans to go it alone. By the time you read this they'll probably be daggers drawn once again.
What's the Atlantic Ocean between friends? Quite a lot as it happens, as not even those who travel first class can make a long-distance relationship work. Cameron Diaz recently parted ways with her boyfriend of one year, British model Paul Sculfor, amid claims that the twosome couldn't find the time to be together.
"When I met Agyness [Deyn] it came from such an innocent, truthful place, and the way I feel about her is so honest", gushed Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond Jr when he first hooked up with the Mancunian moggle. But how do you feel about the model now that you've split up with her, Alb? Don't spare the honesty...
She may have been dumped by John Mayer last summer, but Jennifer Aniston was on his arm yet again at the beginning of the year. However, karma struck after Jen mused "Whoever said that every relationship has to last forever? That's hoping for too much" to a Sunday paper, leaving the poor cow sobbing into her blanket once again.
Fancy spending an afternoon quaffing free champers among the likes of Michelle Pfeiffer and Sharon Stone at Rachel Hunter's nuptials? Well, tough, as the wedding is off. Despite a year of planning and vast expense, her would-be hubby Jarret Stoll declared their relationship over in a round-robin email to guests. Oof. Hope you kept the receipt for that hat.
So much for the downtown man. After all, Billy Joel has just found his marriage to celeb chef Katie Lee on the compost heap. "The decision is the result of much thought and consideration," yawned a representative. Some would say it was actually the result of Katie's closeness to 36-year-old fashion designer Yigal Azrouel, but who are we to gossip?