Nobody can blame a bereaved man for seeking solace – but comfort doesn't usually involve texts reading "U WANT RUMP?", "R U GOING 2 DO IT?" and "LOVED F***ING YA". Curvy glamma moggle Lisa O'Connor recently claimed that Jack Tweed sent her these charming bons mots just weeks after Jade's death – and it's just one in a long line of sordid celebrity kiss and tells...
"I'm not a gold-digger", model Lorna Hogan confided to the News of the World for no fee whatsoever, before claiming that she'd become pregnant to Calum Best during a one-night stand. The paper also reported that the 11 bouts of champers-fuelled sex they enjoyed that night even made Calum late to his next day's appointment – at his own father's memorial service. Nice.
The red tops had a field day when fruity PA Rebecca Loos claimed that she'd been enjoying the golden balls of England golden boy David Beckham. Becks dismissed the allegations as "ludicrous". And as the Loos woman was next seen choosing to masturbate a large angry boar on reality TV toss The Farm, perhaps she wasn't the sanest of historical witnesses.
"It was a big mistake", cooed hatchet-faced strumpet Aimee Walton when sharing the sordid details of her alleged affair with Ashley Cole. "I feel so sorry for Cheryl", she continued, ignoring the fact that if she'd had any sympathy at all she'd have kept her trap shut – not to mention her legs. The allegations almost split Ash and Chezza up – but she's now wearing his ring once again.
"CHEAT AND TWO VEG", screamed a red top headline above a story claiming that sweary chef Gordon Ramsay had been tossing another lady's pancakes. Sarah Symonds, a professional mistress, was quick to cash in. "My relationship with Gordon is probably the reason their 12-year marriage has lasted this long", she simpered, as the cauliflower-faced burger flipper denied all.
Most of us expected nothing more from Edwina Currie's diaries than dull accounts of egg-related rancour. However, they also revealed her four-year affair with future prime minister John Major. During the course of the revolting tome, Currie revealed that the Grey Tory wore blue underpants, and she also claimed that he was the love of her life. Must have come as news to her ex-husband.
What could Faria Alam have possibly seen in millionaire England coach Sven Goran Eriksson? Well, even if she wasn't after his money, she is said to have made almost £500k for selling the story of their rampant trysts to newspapers and TV channels – and memorably discussed the affair on hard-hitting current affairs show Tonight with Trevor McDonald. Ker-ching!
"He was the most wonderful, passionate kisser", purred Caroline Cossey to the tabloids, after she'd had her top lip tickled by Des Lynam in 1979. However, this model had a secret that she'd kept from the notorious ladies man – she used to be called Barry. "I don't ever remember making love to her", the Grandstand love god later claimed – either due to amnesia or embarrassment.
Here's the dictionary definition of romance – getting impregnated by Boris Becker in a broom cupboard. "To stop him when he was so excited was as impossible as stopping a high-speed train", sighed Angela Ermakowa of the time she was served some new balls. However, Boris tells it rather differently. "It wasn't even an affair. It was an act that lasted five seconds." No luv lost, then.
And it's not just women who do kiss-and-tells! Stan Collymore used his autobiography, Tackling My Demons, to tackle some of his conquests. Kirsty Gallacher "did things with chocolate fingers that have stopped me looking at them in the same way since," he dribbled, earning him not so much a million as a broken nose from the fruity TV starlet's boyfriend, rugger bugger Paul Sampson.