A nation rolls its eyes – Mark Croft and Kerry Katona have split up. For the third time. This year. Apparently, Kezza kicked Mark out the house after he was heard talking about wanting a divorce, as well as blasting his curvy spouse for "turning into a lardarse" that he no longer wanted to sleep with. However, that's not a patch on these cruellest of celebrity break-ups...
It's often reported that Matt Damon dumped Minnie Driver live on Oprah's show in 1998. And though he claimed to have given her the old heave-ho several weeks before his TV appearance, Minne was left moaning nonetheless. "It's horrendous breaking up with someone anyway", she mewled, carrying on to complain that the timing of the revelation was "fantastically inappropriate."
"I've had enough," honked Dollar's David van Day, when he appeared on The Wright Stuff in March. He then gave his girlfriend, Sun beauty editor Sue Moxley, the flick live on air citing what he saw as her selfishness. Co-panellist Carrie Grant told Burger van Day that he was the selfish party, but this didn't stop him from smirking about his "celebrity dumping" We're still struggling to spot the celebrity involved.
As if divorcing in private wasn't difficult enough, we all got to watch the Bonos' marriage being boned on television. Sonny and Cher's on-screen bickering during their '70s TV series had become increasingly sharp, and the two of them had to carry on filming due to contractual issues even after Sonny set up the separation. Altogether now – I got you (some divorce papers), baaaaabe!
Here's something we didn't need – an extra reason to hate sickening socialite Paris Hilton. Apparently, it didn't occur to her to tell her boyfriend she was dumping him before issuing a press statement to that effect – leaving Doug Reinhardt oblivious to the fact that he'd been issued a one-way ticket to Dumpsville and going on record to deny the rumours. That's charming, that is.
They were one of the hottest couples of the 1990s, but there's been nothing but blistering hot air since Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger divorced eight years ago. They've been locked in a custody battle over their daughter Ireland for the best part of a decade, and Alec once left an angry voice message calling his spawn a "rude, thoughtless pig". One can only imagine what he said to Kimmy.
When Roseanne filed for divorce from her husband, Tom Arnold, she instigated one of the most spiteful wars of words ever seen. He quipped that her "Property of Tom Arnold" tattoo made him the fourth-largest property owner in California; she responded by commenting on the size of his manhood. "Even a 747 looks small when it lands in the Grand Canyon", he remarked. Ouch!
Few of us were surprised when Guy Ritchie and Madonna announced their split – but even the Liz McDonald of Pop must have scrunched her Botoxed brow when her ex dished the dirt. Claiming that their marriage hit the rocks due to Madge's quest for the body beautiful, Guy apparently told chums that four minutes en flagrante with his Mrs was like "cuddling up to a piece of gristle".
Oh, Sienna Miller! It's one thing to be pictured cavorting with married American actor Balthazar Getty – but not when your ex, Rhys Ifans, is still getting over your split. And if that wasn't bad enough, it was later revealed that the fruity snaps were taken several weeks beforehand – when Rhys was still in the belief that your relationship was a going concern. Tut tut.
He's the bump-crotched heartthrob of many a 12-year-old girl – but Joe Jonas lost appeal in the eyes of millions when his ex-girlfriend, Taylor Swift, revealed that he'd dumped her in a phone call that lasted just 27 seconds. "That's got to be a record", Taylor sighed at US talk show host Ellen DeGeneres. Well, you know, maybe it was his first time...