Next time Kate Moss is snapped hoovering up lines of white powder, it'll probably be matzo flour. Yes, the famed supermodel and enemy of pies is set to release a cookbook full of Jewish recipes – but Kate, be warned! There's a long history of stars bringing out truly unappetising cookbooks...
They say you should never trust a thin chef. So who would want to buy alfalfa-sniffing actress Gwyneth Paltrow's forthcoming epicurean opus? Especially as her website features such hearty treats as cucumber and avocado soup and detox teryaki chicken? People who don't enjoy eating, that's who.
The only stock we associate with Sid Owen is prefixed by the word "laughing". However, his culinary tome, Life On a Plate: The Journey of an Unlikely Chef, sees him butchering meals such as spicy salmon with pak choi and "posh fish and chips". What, no "Ricky toffee pudding"? Shame.
Fancy wolfing down a butter-fried banana, peanut butter and honey sandwich before dying with your trolleys around your ankles on the lav? Well, now you can! Although Elvis Presley didn't write a cookbook personally, the noted trougher has had several gastronomic volumes written in his honour.
In 1986, Frank Sinatra and his wife Barbara picked some recipes from their chums and blended them into a charity cookbook. Sadly, many fans of Ol' Blue Eyes bought the book expecting to find recipes such as "plum pie with me" and "I get a kick out of stew", and decided to go hungry instead.
Meanwhile, two of the stars who donated recipes to Joan Collins's Classic Celebrity Cookbook included Ivana Trump and Zsa-Zsa Gabor. So there you are - a kitchen bible containing lunch ideas from a bunch of spoiled rich people who haven't had to cook a meal in their entire lives. FAIL.
Would you buy a cookbook that's been endorsed by a creature without tastebuds? Well, in a spoof of Oprah's 1994 endeavour, Miss Piggy roped chums including Glenn Close, Whoopi Goldberg and Andre Agassi into handing over their favourite recipes for a new book. Frogs legs may not have have been on the menu, but swill sure was.
Former jockey Frankie Dettori might be pint-sized, but he's big in one place – the kitchen. His Italian Family Cookbook, co-written with Marco Pierre White, has garnered good reviews. Let's just hope he washes his hands when he's finished mucking out the horses. Gag.
You'll find no sign of that infamous "watermelon diet" in a cookbook produced by fans as a posthumous tribute to meringue-draped ivory tickler Liberace. However, you will find enclosed a recipe for "Liberace's sticky buns". An acquired taste, perhaps.
The cuisine in the imaginatively-titled My Cookbook by Gérard Depardieu is certainly cordon bleu - which makes a change to all those celeb recipes that should be cordoned off. However, the Picasso-faced acteur shouldn't be taking all the credit, as it was co-written by his personal chef. So not quite "His Cookbook", then.